Starting the IVF Journey

After my period arrived in full effect on Monday, I called the Dr and scheduled an appt to come in to talk about our options. We had a lot of questions.

How long does the process of IVF take?
What are the steps?
What drugs will I have to take?
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST???????????? (It sucks to not only be stressed about not being pregnant, but to also have to stress about getting thousands of dollars together to MAYBE get preg)
How many eggs are typically produced?
How many of those eggs are viable for ICSI?
How many usually take?
How many should be transfered?
What do we do with the ones that are good, if we don't want to transfer all?
What are the success rates if we transfer 1? 2? 3?
What are the chances of 1 baby? 2 babies? 3 babies? 4 babies? If we transfer 1? 2? or 3?

So she answered all of our questions and the whole thing is a lot less crazy risky than we thought. We felt really good about what she said. We were debating on moving forward or taking a break for a while and letting nature do it's thing. We decided to move forward. I don't really trust nature. I also asked the dr, "Given that I had such a good reaction to this last treatment, could there be something else wrong? Are there more tests or something?" She said YES, there are thousands of other things it could be, but we don't have the knowledge to figure those things out. So, given that lovely little bit of info, I say F nature. We may never get preg by having sex. I can't just sit back and wait. Joe was a little worried about IVF between the drugs and the possible number of eggs, but after of talk with the doc, he felt a lot better. I was mostly already on board, but I wanted us both to be on the same page.

We have the IVF class on March 15 and I'm on the pill right now:( I hate this part. I wish the BCP wasn't part of this process. Even though we were waiting for the next step we could be trying on our own and hoping for a miracle. But being on the pill there's just no chance of getting preg in March. (or April)

I can't believe we are here. If all went according to plan and we got preg in June 2008 we would be planning a first birthday this month:( If I didn't have a miscarraige in Nov of 2008 we would have a 9 month old right now. If, if, if... Why do I do this to myself????? Is it possible to miss someone you never even met?

Dec 2008, Jan 2009

We tried. I heard a lot pf people say the chances are really good right after a mc. Well what the hell. I got my period...once again.

So I wan't sure what to do. The dr said I could see the RE if I wasn't preg by the end of the year. But we did get preg, so maybe we should try a little longer.

Jan: BFN

If we got preg the first month we tried, I'd be due in 2 months.

If I didn't mc, I'd be almost done with the 1st trimester.

If, If, If, why do I do this to myself? Everyday?

After a Loss

I was only 5 and 1/2 weeks along, but it seemed like a long time. Only 18 of those days we actually knew. It seemed like so much happen when I was preg, that it couldn't have only been 18 days.

I can honestly say I really didn't think this would happen to me. I knew about miscarriages. But I didn't even think about it, really. Which made me totally unprepared for it. I don't know if you can prepare for this, but some people realize getting preg takes time and that miscarriages are very common. Not me. What an idiot. Now I was devastated.

Also, now everyone who has had a miscarriage was letting me know. Common...I got preg right after...More fertile right after...

Ok, fine. This sucks but I'll be preg again in the next six weeks. Even my dr told me that she had a miscarriage and got preg the next month and never even got her period first.

I hate November 2008!

5 weeks and 4 days. Tuesday night, I noticed a little brownish on the tp after I peed. I got a little worried but it was very very little. Next morning a little more. I figured it was not a big deal but figured I better call the doc.

I went to work and when I got there my doc said I should go get my blood tested.

Joe met me at the hospital. When I got there I went to the bathroom and there was red blood and some tissue.

I got my blood drawn and on our way home the doc had me stop by the office. She did an exam and said it looked like it may be old blood. Asked if we recently had sex. Yes we did. Told me she wasn't sure if I was miscarrying. Go to other office for U/S. my head is spinning but I haven't accepted that anything could really be wrong yet.

U/S woman does U/S. Said she doesn't see a sac, but she will give it to the doc to read. Then I know. I start crying. There's a box of tissues. One left. U/S woman leaves room and then opens door and tosses in a new box. I wanted to hit her with the box. I know it's not her fault, but I really did want to hit her.

Joe tries to hug me, but I just want him to stop. Let's go.

We get in the car. I remember not being able to say anything. I just stared out the window. I could feel the cold from the window on my face.

All I could think was how am I going to tell my friends and family????????????

I felt like I was going to disappoint everyone.

I went home and just camped myself on the couch...and the toilet. I didn't go to work for the rest of the week. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. Joe called my mom for me. I txt my sister and friends. I couldn't say it.